She’s hot. She’s cute. And she just so happens to be of another race. These
days, dating someone outside of your own culture is hardly taboo, particularly if you live
in a major city. But potential family issues aside, interracial
dating can provide its own set of minefields, particularly when it comes to the
pickup.

Don’t use her race as a pickup line

As a minority, I’ve encountered my fair share of men who think the easiest way into
my pants is to use my ethnicity as a pickup line.
The numerous times men have resorted to racial stereotypes to pick me up are endless. The
problem is while these men may have good intentions, their execution is poor. They forget
to take into account that women of other races are people too — people who don’t
necessarily walk around thinking about their ethnicity or nationality all day. If
you’re white, do you think about your ethnicity on a regular basis? Do you think
about how Italian or Irish or French you are? Chances are no, because there’s more
to your life than just your ethnic makeup.

Don’t assume you know what her race is

As an added twist, no one really seems to know what I am. Guys try to discern what my
ethnic makeup is, and my friends even take bets on what he’s going to guess. Usually
it’s some form of Latina, often Mexican or Puerto Rican, but sometimes men branch
out to Columbian or Chilean.Alas, I’m none of the above. I’m
Indian.But that doesn’t stop white men from walking up to me in bars and
saying “Hola!” or “Como esta?” Failing to relate to me as a
person, they immediately use race as a cheap tactic to start up a
conversation. One man even went so far as to say I’m sassy because of all that
Latin blood running through me. I am sassy, but being Latina has nothing to do with it.Famed sex blogger and Chinese-American Lena Chen relates. “I wasn’t even out
of high school when men started telling me ‘Konichiwa, beautiful’ on the
street.” Some men have even used more primitive methods such as “Hey,
Korea!” or “You Thai?”

Don’t act as though she’s not American, Canadian, Australian…

Not all of these men are uneducated, dumb or otherwise ignorant. Everyone from lawyers,
businessmen, police officers, and artists have asked me where I’m from, seemingly
perplexed when I respond “New Jersey,” as if that couldn’t possibly be
the right answer. “No, where are you really from?” they ask again. When I once
told a man I was Indian, he responded by saying, “You’re not all Ganesh and
stuff.”He was right. Funnily enough, I didn’t have eight arms or
walk around in a sari. I was raised in New Jersey. I pepper my sentences with
“like” and “omigod.” I have a predilection for classic rock, going
to the shore and dive bars. My life is not a Bollywood movie.
In fact, I don’t even watch Bollywood movies. I am more likely to be found joining
every other red-blooded American singing “Don’t Stop Believing” at a bar
than dancing to Bhangra music. For all intents and purposes, I am as American as anyone
else. Yes, I am of Indian heritage and proud of it, but that’s hardly all there is
to me. It’s one facet of my being.Chen agrees. “If you heard my
voice without knowing what I looked like, you’d probably assume that I was a white,
teenage valley girl. My idea of fashion is a leather jacket over skinny jeans, not a
kimono or Sailor Moon outfit.”

Continue Reading